Most of what I get out of asking that conversation is sharing of day to day stuff about what we both have happening and are maybe looking forward to [that I can be happy or excited about for them] or things coming up they are anxious about or having other difficult feelings about [that they can talk about if they want to, or that I then know they might be having a difficult time on Tuesday so I should give them a ring then and see how it went/offer support if they want to process through talking]. If she has problems with overbearing family, then she needs to learn how to deal with overbearing family, but shes still gonna have to function at People Interactions 101, which includes whatre you doing this weekend., Its actually amazing how much supposedly required stuff you can avoid doing by just not doing it (sadly depending on your level of privilege; Im speaking from a white cis-woman perspective). No other teller (in this bank, or others that Ive been in) does this. Thats not an uncommon experience. Are you busy? Oof this is hard, because how you deal with it can and will vary so wildly depending upon whos doing the asking of you. 65+ Funny Responses to Everyday Questions! - Self Development Journey Like I said, you know the people and the situation better than I, an Internet Stranger, do. Sometimes, answering a question with a question is the best strategy. Yep yep yep. Itd be a big help, but if not I could find someone else. Which is a lot of caveats! Like "How are you?" can be asked formally and informally, the response of that can be a unique one, too. Born and bred in southern California, how are you? asked of/by a stranger functions, for me, like any scripted greeting, pretty comparable to an all right with or without the interrogative in that a detailed (or even particularly honest) response is not expected and in many cases wont be acknowledged because it wont be heard (because no one is listening for it). Just treating it as a question of not disclosing/being private is entirely the wrong approach. If they play extra coy with me, Ill just be extra cryptic in return. B: Cool. Instead we got stuck attending an MLM pitch. person: Hey, hiya, rya? You just need to say, like, Oh, not sure yet, how about you?. You know the people youre interacting with and their likely motivations better than we do, of course. , Related the person who just assumes youre doing whatever theyve planned for you because its a family thing and youre family or I asked Z and they said you were free* or What else would you be doing? With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. I learned to say Ill see where the weekend takes me, which leaves me open to accept invitations if I want to or to decline to work on Sunday if I dont want to. While we're sure there are plenty more things people do for fun, these are some good hobbies to mention: Outdoors activities like rock climbing, hiking, cycling, etc. That's why you should remember these funny responses to "what are you going to do with your life" for the next time the question pops up: If you have no idea what degree you're going to get or where you want to live in the future, pretend that you have something big planned, but don't want to ruin the surprise. Am I supposed to answer? I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. One of the costs of challenging social rules is that it makes it harder for people to learn them. Giving my turtle a haircut. Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: I can also see how always hearing a particular question before being asked a favor is going to start getting on your nerves. Never trust Calvin, even if you see Hobbes! "Weekends are days to refuel your soul and to be grateful for the blessings that you have." - Anonymous 2. Ex.1. Folding the dishes. And it's a great way to know what's at the top of someone's mind. On Thursday or Friday, its got any plans for the weekend? and on Monday, its do anything fun this weekend? I dont think theyre trying to find it my deep personal secrets, its on the same level as hows it going? or wow, traffic was awful this morning, huh? and I answer at that same level (oh, this and that, how bout you?). #1078: Sooooooowhat are you doing thisweekend?, Follow CaptainAwkward.com on WordPress.com. Oh thanks capn for the hilarious answers!!! Everyone else usually stops after the how-are-yous are exchanged. You're supposed to live it and enjoy it. Being a grown up with a family, studies and a job, friends and hobbies my life is often busy and so is my friends so we often use this website https://doodle.com/ but then people always know what kind of an event we are trying to schedule. The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. Why? I have a friend that would ask me what Im doing and when I say, Nothing the next thing is, Well, lets meet for lunch and then irritation and shock when I say Id rather not. Another get out the LW could use is, Im still figuring out my plans for that daywas there something you wanted us to do together? and then Yes, thatll work, if you want to do the thing, or Hm, I dont think I can fit that in, if you dontno need to specify that the thing that it wont fit into is a day of sitting around in your pajamas and binge-watching things on Netflix. If its someone from work that I have no personal relationship with, then Any plans this weekend? just sounds like office small talk, the forward-looking version of How was your weekend? If its someone I know personally, then Are you doing anything tomorrow? sounds like a way to try to trick me into agreeing to do something not-fun (because if it was fun, theyd ask outright). Him: Nothing at all? But it is a cost. Nobody listens anyway. I love you. It all feels like a gross, stupid game I dont want to play. Most dont mean to be manipulative, and if thats not their intention, Why, whats up? wont bother them in the slightest, nor will never finding out what you actually are doing next Thursday or what you did with that time if you turned them down. To them I am this exotic other they feel entitled to treat in a certain way because their goodness and its expression is more important than my real and complex experience as a human being. Okay, there is something a bit screwy with this guy. YES, THIS. Whenever people accept this answer, I know I am dealing with human beings who understand their goodness as a constant learning process. 1. Is it a throwaway social nicety, or a veiled attempt to get you to accept a task or invite? Im usually free Wednesdays and Thursdays, or I could do a weekend if we plan ahead., Translation: I want to have dinner with you sometime. #1078: "Sooooooowhat are you doing this weekend?" Theyre so nice and interested, they cant possibly be racist/microaggressive! Before people jump on this as reading too much into the situation, I want to point out that at in many, many cultures (I actually work on related research so Im familiar with a lot of academic studies on the topic), the preferred way to refuse a request for help is apology+reason e.g. Maybe I wont be all that interested in helping her someday. And suddenly many things became clear. Its just that nobody expects a stranger or lesser known acquaintance to actually want to answer the question literally. So yeah, I think your Swedish approach is fairly standard for American culture as well. Paris color stylo eye shadow neon skirt Paris color riche le stylo eye shadow bronzed How much vitamin c does a clementine have Loreal paris color riche stylo smoky eye avant azure What to get a guy for valentine's day Paris stylo smoky eye shadow hollywood Why is friendship better than relationship Desculpa para sair mais cedo do trabalho View Each Day as an Opportunity, Not an Obligation, Everything That You Can't do Because You Have Kids. 3. This is how I feel too. Funny Mom Quotes (and Sayings) If partying and watching Netflix is the only thing you dream of doing, don't pretend that you spend your days filling out job applications. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. More words, people, not less. Dont for a second feel guilty about judging a nosy male as no good if they ask nosy questions and show any sign of caring if you dont answer. Why not? You don't want to end up like your crazy aunt who keeps asking you the same question during every holiday dinner. But then she would ask me to babysit her toddler. If it is in fact a lead up to an invitation or request I can always either find room for it or say I dont have time. Open your mouth and close your eyes andhold on, it got away., (1) Want to have dinner sometime? Im okay not giving you your exact expected or hoped for answer. Right now? Example: What are you doing? Lets get together. But you have never issued a direct invitation to me in your life. This is how I deal with it: You (if you are up for it potentially) yeah, thatd be fun My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives. "See, I will finally make you smile.". Numbered point 4 specifically says LW doesnt understand why people are asking this, hence the many explanations of different reasons people ask, and while the possible manipulation is noted in numbered points 2 and 3, its not the only thing LW is asking about, while point 3 suggests to me that LW may well be reading manipulation into cases where people are just curious or are actually trying to do the planning themselves (by finding out if LW is even available for a possible activity), not trying to make zir do the planning, as ze suspects. And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. But it needs to be a set rent, that can be codified and set down in a form you could use with any other adult, should the fancy take you. I think thats why it can sometimes be difficult to answer? What are you up to this weekend? is an absolutely normal question and learning to use it is not a failure of yourself. So nowadays Ill say something like Im probably going to do [X], but thats not urgent if you want to hang out instead! or I need to do [X] but I have time for a quick dinner if youre interested. (People who are not the boything get oh, Ive got laundry because theres almost nobody else Im willing to make same-day plans with. If you have never phrased commands to her that way, yup, thats on her. I honestly dont know how young people are functioning as well as they are, given that. And asking someone what theyre doing is not the same as issuing an invitation. Acquaintances or co-workers get a vague answer, like, {5 words to say Im in/out of town or am/arent super booked}, then, What are you up to? because its really just small talk. Tell me about you. I agree that its fully fair to say things like, Oh, Toastmasters isnt my thing, but thanks! Thats exactly what I meant by a soft deferral. Your mother/father and I are going to X, would you like to come along?. But, in the long run, in my life, I think the conflict over emotional labor and fair division of chores, while sometimes painful and frustrating, was something we were able to move past when I moved out because I never felt unsafe. I think this is a lot clearer in other contexts. Its been pretty good policy.) I get the rude stealth favor askers too and it irritates. She got like that by working three times as hard as everyone else and being three times as smart as everyone else. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. There was a bit at first, and SHE had some learning to do in terms of how she reacted (example: her dad said, Were going over to Grandmas tonight, and she started to blow up at us about making plans for her. Jackpot! I'm going to say this to my parents. If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Also I have learned to give hard noes. A lot of the people old enough to have adult children at this point still put phone communication on some kind of pinnacle in their minds, because thats what they grew up with. Her dad would not agree with a move to force her to move out. I saved up enough to move out. I dont know whether youre being too thoughtful or not thoughtful enough here. Just make sure to follow these three rules for sending Tinder messages: Keep it PG-13, even on Tinder. Him: You must be doing something. Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of 'How Are You?' - Forbes Message Example #6: ( Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. 7 Tricky Work Situations, and How to Respond to Them I ask this question all the time. I get tempted to make stuff up like join the circus or sky diving or whatnot. Cant. Of course both people will vary from the scripts with personal style and the situation, but that is the general way it can go. And it absolutely has a cost, even for him. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. "I'm having a productive day.". I am sure this is going to get attacked for scaremongering and concern-trolling, but I mean, yeah. Im a hardcore introvert, most of my plans are sitting at home, not doing anything in particular and if I answer the question truthfully, and then there comes the invitation, Im in a very tight spot because I already admitted that I dont have anything serious enough to warrant me declining the offer. Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? Answer with small truths. LW has a LOT of reason to be bugged by this approach to seeking a date it carries a hefty implied threat because of what abusive men in our society have built it into en masse. One of my friends always answered (very cheerily): Dont know! But for the LW when its potential datepeople, I do find that, Not sure yet why, do you have something fun in mind? has a pretty decent response rate. My range is from fine, thanks, and you to tired but otherwise good to a real answer but nothing too dark or detailed. Totally fair and perfectly polite. So threatening to make her move out is just not wise. Basically the thing you wrote about duties like babysitting, expanded to fun events. They are called Saturday and Sunday." - Anonymous 3. For example, when Sean Hayes started to sing "beautifully" on the show, Ellen said, "Ok, we have to take a break.". Rob: I'm just leaving for work. You have to answer the . The Gladys response is a strategy where all anyone will ever see is you beaming at Pushy Neighbor, talking in a hugely positive way at Pushy Neighbor, and so on, but youre still getting to tell Pushy Neighbor to back the fuck off. This comment has clarified a thing for me. For example, Looking forward to the weekend? or I hope you get to relax this weekend.; My take is that if they wish to continue the conversation, they will do so, but if not, they can reply with a Yes/No. What are your plans for the weekend? - Making Sense of English Vacuuming the cat or shaving the yak* or something. A professor I studied under said she, without thinking about it, had an automatic habit of spotting people likely to do that oh Im so nice to your differentness type of racism and trying to run interference to keep them from saying that crap around her grad students. I automatically ask this without thinking about it pretty often. And for that age range of teens into mid-twenties, its developmentally normal to not adult well in spaces/tasks/areas of endeavor where they cannot do so unsurveilled by childhood parental authority figures, but to abruptly adult extremely well and competently when freed from that surveillance. We need to have lunch soon. Okay, then invite me, and dont hint for an invitation. New day, old me, just doing routine stuff. I thought why do you ask? meant you are being nosy. I may need some babysitting That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. Do you like, like me? (Whether there will be some negative family fallback I dont know). Hah. Hey, dont you owe me one for babysitting last Onesday? Instead, choose from these five replies. But then again, Im always the person who answers strangers who say Are you X person with Who wants to know?. Thats thats exactly what makes it a microagression. Ah. 30+ funny good morning memes to send to your family and friends 30 Best Replies To "What's Up?" (Funny & Friendly) This will not go away. You can change "because you have kids" to a variety of things, depending on whom you're talking to. To contact our editors please use our contact form. It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. Threading has run out, so replying to your top comment, spd please try to avoid using the word spazzy. Although I do the opposite: Im ALWAYS busy/have to work, when certain people ask. I personally feel really pressured by the question simply because it puts me in the position of having to say yes or no before I even know what Im saying yes or no to. I just had a talk with my DD about this- she will text me do we have plans Saturday I usually respond with Why? Obviously we have a different relationship than a friend to friend thing. Can't complainI have tried, but no one listens. Mild office small talk is fine with me, and I have a few coworkers who may become friends. Every time you see Pushy Neighbor, you go into this mode. Or is it more like she doesnt get involved into such decisions but you expect her to follow through and water your radishes? Yeah Im keen., I honestly never get asked this question as anything other than innocuous small talk. I want collaborators, not pupils. You can try to head it off by always responding with some activity youre doing that could theoretically make you busy if it turns out you need to be busy But frankly if someone is trying to manipulate you then you have a manipulative person problem, not a specific question problem. Things have a funny way of working out. By formal invitation, Im not necessarily meaning an engraved invitation, like for a wedding or other fairly formal event. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. That being said, in a couple of guys Ive dated in the last few years, Ive been amazed at how fast and how almost without me noticing they can go from planning and executing dates very well to somehow only being able to function if Im doing it. You: Yeah, we should. For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. ), but I can tell you that even from that POV, I generally have few expectations of this kind of question. It makes you feel like whatever you do, you are expected to conform to being othered. That said, I tend to think the person asked, they can damn well deal with the answer. Shampooing the grass. I actually trained my mother out of this question by responding to every vague What are you doing on X? by saying Tell me what you really want to know. Fortunately, my mother is a reasonable person who understands boundaries, and mostly just laughed and said Good point, Z is going on and Id like to go and wanted company. She also totally gets my introversion and that sometimes I dont have anything going on but Id still rather not do Z is a perfectly valid answer. I know whats best for me. If they continue after that, theyre super pushy and rude and Ill say as much. Published on August 6, 2022. Seriously, both she and my sister are true extroverts, bless them, which is why I use the term hyper-social weirdos to describe them. Unhelpful? I Hope You. Yes! And I think for online dating purposes Im going to assume #2 unless I get significant evidence otherwise. So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. Which for neurotypical types, is something that may not be hard to adapt to, but youre kind of being set up to failbecause that kind of question is exactly the kind of thing you would have been taught to do in kindergarten.

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