lets_be_honest July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. But everyone needs to learn to laugh at themselves if they accidentally trip and spagetti plops on their head, when they are home surrounded by loved ones (and the oppurtunity to change clothing). They can work together to work on his father-daughter relationship but if his attitude doesnt change itll be that much harder. Required fields are marked *. (I threw it all up and cried. For one mother, this nightmare is a reality, as her husbands behavior is pushing her daughter away. Extend invitations on appropriate occasions. In the past, every day held exciting discoveries about the one whose ring you now wear on your finger. Hmm, maybe. I was hoping to be able to tell her that she has a grandbaby coming, but its still too early to know. Cant we at least celebrate that the things listed like Harry Potter probably indicate that the daughter is reading a lot of books not a bad thing , lets_be_honest And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). He leaves at 5:00 a.m. every morning to support me and our children. Ive been there. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. Parents can gaslight their children and definitely their daughters-in-law, whether they realize that's what they're doing or not. Its great because its competitive but also forces cooperation (you need to trade for resources to gain points in the game). WTF youre her mother not her BFF get it together and help your husband round her out! if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_9',134,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0');Ultimately, its up to you whether or not you want to stay in a relationship with someone who doesnt get along with your child. Absolutely. bittergaymark Its not easy being caught in the middle, but its important to remember that you cant please everyone all the time. What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. The LWs husband sounds like my father. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. Substance Abuse and Child Custody | WomansDivorce Sometimes those things just happen. The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. PostedOctober 22, 2014 I dont think that as a parent, you are required to indulge in things you dont approve of. My sister and I grew up reading scifi and fantasy. I thought that was actually really funny. Its that shes finding she doesnt always like her dad. My fave was Joey for the record. And I really do think he has been 100%, maybe even 110% put on the back burner. Does he like the 80s music? July 2, 2013, 2:27 pm. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. But sometimes, this relationship can be strained. Things like going for ice cream. And if the mom feels this strongly about it and him interrupting them, I would bet that she complains about her husband to her daughter, which is not OK. Sophronisba She may not be interested in that stuff NOW, but it can sure come in handy later. Actually, my husbands a pretty big fanboy in general. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. My husband is an OK-ish dad when he does spend time with Petunia, but I think he is very happy with his bachelorlike life, since I basically serve as a full-time cleaning lady and chef, and I. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. Just like if she says like every other word someone needs to point that out and keep pointing it out until she does something about it. Neither father or daughter should make disparaging remarks about the other and you shouldnt make disparaging remarks about your husband. I mean, people always try to paint themselves in the best possible light and their opponent in the worst. We are extremely close and love doing the same things. July 2, 2013, 11:56 am. I just have to say, I have NEVER felt comfortable choosing what to watch on tv if Im in the same room as my dad because I know he thinks 95% of what Id want to watch is annoying. Shes lashing out and pushing back because hes hurting her. I wanted nothing to do with my dad for a long time. So I cant agree that it is never ok. Theres a true difference between good natured humor and cruelty (even if some people claim it is the the former when it is really the latter) and kids need to be exposed to the former. Theyre bonding against him because hes being hurtful to both of them. Its almost like shes commiserating with her daughter as though hes her father also. My interests are pretty close to hers (and yours!) Act like one. I dont know where that gene comes from I know I dont have it. LW, you and your husband are a team. To me, those things just come along with being part of a family. I think what Wendy is missing in her response is dealing with the fathers attitude towards his daughters interests. No matter what state the person is in, he or she may face criminal prosecution of drunk driving when behind the wheel with a confirmed blood alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher as the national limit. July 2, 2013, 11:40 am. But he can be a great dad regardless. He is, however, driven and self-reliant. (And those are two things I didnt care for as a kid that I really like now.) My mom and I enjoyed science fiction and fantasy books, while my dad liked hunting and only has read maybe 10 books in his life. , Did anyone else ever watch Home Improvement? (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? And while there are many reasons why daughters might want their parents to split up, here are some of the most common ones: If your daughter has seen you and your husband arguing or otherwise being unhappy together, she may start to feel like she needs to choose sides. Hes let me know so many times that when hes had a hard day, he loves a home-cooked meal, watching his favorite show, going to sleep, and then making love in the morning. Sorry but I dont understand why you married him. This can cause a lot of tension in the family. He broadened my view of the world, showed me things that I wouldnt have seen without him. Try to get him to nix the assignments things (because, I mean, UGH) and remind him that shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. Related- History Channel has some great programming thats HIGHLY educational but fun to watch. Saying later that night will you ask the spagetti head to pass the salt IS making fun of their child and it is healthy. Haha, are you saying I should stop saying that listening to Taylor Swift on repeat is annoying? But I loved my dad and my mom encouraged me and sometimes when I was being a brat prodded me -into hanging out with my dad. July 3, 2013, 9:47 am. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. One activity we all enjoyed!!!! Instead of a camping trip they could go for a bike ride together, with a friend, or walk a trail in a local park. You may feel like you are caught between a rock and a hard place, trying to appease both of them while also trying to maintain the peace in your home. Your Husband & Daughter Don't Get Along: How to Resolve - TRN Being oblivious to financial matters. Well I disagree with the context, but not the actual content, of this advice. Child Custody and Substance Abuse - Verywell Family He wants her to watch history and science shows with him, and go hiking, camping and backpacking. To care for our two young kids. WE cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if WE are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell US to stop because it annoys him. I experienced an adolescence where most of my interests were labeled garbage and where I was told my lack of interest in playing sports was a character flaw that would doom me to failure as an adult. All of these are better that watching the Kardashians find new ways to make money or reading magazines that criticize stars beach bodies. For me there were clues that it went further than that (the wanting her to be competitive and giving her reading assignments for instance), but its possible that because these are her interests too that shes being overly sensitive about it. As you agree, there needs to be a balance and it sounds like Dad is the only one whose realized that. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_1',103,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-medrectangle-3-0'); My daughter seems to resent my husband, and my husband just doesnt seem to know how to connect with her. When you are in the same space with someone who is watching TV all day or farting often or slurping their coffee or whatever, unless you get away from them you will most likely explode. For some reason I keep imagining LWs husband as Red Foreman and her daughter as Eric. Yes. He thinks it's ridiculous. painted_lady This can look like moving to a far away place, convincing you your. When I was a child my mom dragged me to countless art museums with my sister. Do they really want intimacy but fear that their need will end up in entrapment? So, here is the thing. So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. But the most consistent and deep internal driver is the terror of being controlled. Im doing everything I can to make things work between us. Wendys relationship with her parents as a young girl feels ridiculously close with my relationship with my parents. We had some past issues that affected our relationship. He and I read together every night when i was little, and I remember reading beauty and the beast with him, which I cant imagine was his first choice. But every time they think theyve got it right, they find themselves, as if in a bad dream, back at ground zero, frustrated, undermined, and terribly confused. In that instance, it is terrible timing and the dad should have listened to Indie when he came in in an emergency and the dad should have helped then and done the latin lesson later, but if that was a normal day home from scouting, then good for dad, because indie totally used that information later in life, even though it was annoying (and seemingly aloof) of his dad to be so demanding. She may still resent her father and you! I still think hes acting out like a child. He did crossword puzzles so I sat down next to him so I could learn and now we do them together. And this is his responsibility too. LW, your daughter sounds awesome. It gives them a model for their own m, kerrycontrary I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. I resented how I wasnt allowed to pursue my own interests, and how the only interaction from my father was doing something he wanted or berating us about not having his interest and how stupid our own interests were. July 2, 2013, 12:45 pm. But what I really remember is my dad listening to me tell him about whatever I was interested in. I can well grasp your husbands ongoing eye-rolling and snappish annoyance. Contact Us. One of her friends had already seen the series and the others wanted to come over and watch the show on Netflix. But the show as a whole, awesome. And your husband needs to grow the eff up and be supportive of your daughters interests. Should A Parent Love Their Child More Than Their Spouse? FOR the past four months, my friend has been chasing a guy at college. Crazy-makers often give up the love they most desperately need when they feel any sense of an obligatory payback. Um, no. I always hated fishing growing up, but it meant that I got to spend time with my dad, so I went. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Did I fight with my dad as a teenager? The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. A museum or something might be a good start. Definitely! To this day we have a great relationship, and now Im able to make the same efforts for him. lets_be_honest I firmly believe that there is no such thing as reading too much. July 2, 2013, 1:18 pm, Um, both piano recitals and spelling bees are CONSTRUCTIVE activities Fangirling? LW, I think encouraging your daughter to spend time with her dad is so important. It can be even tougher to try to figure out what to do about it. I think this is what the LW needs to communicate to her husband. Their mind is broken, causing them to seriously overestimate their driving abilities. Additionally, she may worry that a new man in your life will try to take his place and replace him entirely. July 2, 2013, 1:17 pm. You always give good advice (duh!) Hes a good person, but our relationship as two adults is not a close one and at times feels forced on my end because I still dont know how to be myself around him. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! Do you have any idea how thrilled he was? Husbands can inadvertently drive their daughters away by overstepping boundaries, being too critical, or taking on too much control. Make it a game. I honestly think both parents are at fault. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. Mommy and daddy love each other. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. Which sort of circles back to point that even if this dad doesnt connect with his daughters interests, he really should make an effort. Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. I love this woman, but theres no pleasing her. July 2, 2013, 12:28 pm. This part is simple: You must never let them in a vehicle with this man driving. Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. 1. FIONA SAYS: Gently and with tact, though she's still likely to be upset. Yes, this is the stuff a 7th grade girl needs to hear to boost her self-esteem. So you need to be more encouraging of her spending time with him and stop acting like a little club. Its a question many mothers ask themselves: why is my husband driving my daughter away? Also hi BGM. My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for three. Finally, try to model the behavior you want to see from your husband and daughter. No matter how much mom encourages their relationship, the child is hearing Dad thinks Im stupid.. sarolabelle lets_be_honest Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. Its not cool that Dad is rolling his eyes at his daughters interests and hobbies.

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