It can also cause the more fragile ones to realize you aren't such an easy target, and they may back down and start attacking someone else instead. I really needed this. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and licensed therapist, wants anyone who is in a narcissistic relationship to stop saying one phrase: "You make me feel." It's a way of expressing yourself that . It's not even the loss of their job, their position of power (though it does sting to lose that, too). Its dangerous to purposely cause them humiliation. They crave praise, admiration, and a feeling of control over their life. Getting over it is a very difficult process that Im not trying to gloss over here, but I think you make an important point. Due to this armor, you are unlikely to comprehend the full extent of a narcissist's inhumanity and lack of empathy until . Narcissists have but one goal get more narcissistic supply. When you do this, the narcissist has no further use for you and will either discard you or do everything in their power to pull you back into the supply-providing role. It's like not letting a junkie have his drug. There's something about sending negative energy and abuse right back to a narcissist, and doing it quickly, that really irritates them. I now work for myself and LOVE IT. Additionally, you should never try to outshine a narcissist or make them feel inferior in any way, as this will only . But in learning t laugh (not in a condescending manner but in a healing manner) we can recover so much faster. I have worked with many narcs myself and I know how they can mess up lives FOR NO REASON. What do you do with all of these feelings? Start by telling them how you feel. It is common for a narcissist to mask his/her true identity with a false self. We are all here to get you through when those moments pass and help motivate you to leave when you are ready. In their twisted thinking, they are most pleased when you come after them with anger because, to them, it proves how you need to be taught a lesson. They believe that everything belongs to them, everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and . And they get away with it while its a silent crime. You cant find common ground or agree to disagree; they need to win. Now Im also set on revenge. Not traceable by any means. Narcissists' self-absorbed behavior and need for attention can take up all the emotional oxygen in the room. You dont have to swing from vine to vine just to avoid being alone. Works 3000 kilometres away and did it by phone. Im glad that you too have found humor. Yes, you are absolutely right. Shame. But more importantly, they love to destroy a persons life, and they love to destroy our character. My ex is a narcissist. Narcissists interpret silence as a form of disrespect; the silent partner gains power by not needing to express their displeasure out loud. Ridiculing you. How about if you started to do the same things to them? Prevents You from Relaxing. Yes, moving on is not easy and thats why I put it as one of the biggest cons. Its the hardest thing to do when everything inside you is telling you to do something else. That is a very good way to put it. If you dont have a friend you can call, you can always text the crisis line #741741 in the U.S. or call 800-273-8255. They need to feed on . And FREE ebook on the power of silence against a narcissist. Create a support system. They will gaslight you. I would be interested in reading it. Do not gvv access to u emotionally u hv the power. Do it wisely. In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. The heart of the book is explainingwhy we do things in these relationships we dont understand and how we can stop. If you can, please try to seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse and pathological love relationships. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. We laugh NOT to teasebut to heal and to let go! They can also use it to strengthen other relationships by bonding with others over what a bad person you are. But youve told your truth. This is the sort of thing that can set off devaluation from them in the first place. Its that they move on so quickly, completely unscathed by a relationship that left us in emotional tatters. So when they discard us or give us thesilent treatment, know that they are STILL thinking about us and that they are gleaming at the idea that we are hurt. Use this to show people the truth. The narcissist uses many covert acts of abuse and manipulation that individually seem minor but over time can constantly trigger you into being anxious or upset. And thats the danger. Use Empathic Validation if You Need to Confront a Narcissist. I wish you continued strength on your recovery journey. Trying to hurt a grandiose narcissist usually results in belittling behaviors that are designed to boost their ego. [1] Completely away. When they dont, theyre abusive, conniving, and cold. The best way to deal with a narcissistic individual is to be gentle and understanding - never let them feel as though . If you have a friend or family member who you think maybe in a relationship with a covert narcissist, there are things you can do to help: In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. When they have deemed us supply for their purposes and when we take back ourselves from themthat is a MAJOR blow to them. For me, it feels good to have the muzzle off. I thought about this answer for a long time, and tried to think of words, specific words, that I used to get free and metaphorically fight fire with fire. If you need to maintain contact, let them know how they can and cannot be in contact with . See, it's a give and take thing. Narcissists have zero sense of self-worth or resilience, so every negative outcome feels humiliating for them. Tried to put me in jail on a restraining order and at that time the judge told me in his chambers asi had to sign papers that there is something serious wrong with your wife and I may say stay away from her . I guess he forgot about all those pictures of patients he text messaged me. It seems to keep many people from moving on. When you look good on the outside, you feel happy on the inside. Going no contact after you walk away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past. Thank you for your comment! Oftentimes, you wont even know that youve made them feel inferior, your first clue will be them putting you down. Without having to leave them for another person, youre telling them youre strong enough to stand on your own. You want others to see through their lies and feel vindicated. They have no sympathy. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every . Hi. Its almost certainly irreparably broken, as theres not much to salvage after a breakdown in communication. After our engagement, the silent treatment started. They not only leave us with so little but leave so few people around them not even knowing or understanding what happened. Dont forget to check out these resources: Kristen Milstead is a narcissistic abuse survivor who has become a strong advocate for finding your unique voice and using it to help others find theirs. As I reflect, yes I probably should have walked away. One area in which narcissistic people cannot compete is in the higher values of reciprocity, equality, empathy, compassion, or fairness. The best way to get revenge on a narcissist is byLIVING HAPPILY. I exposed my ex by putting up E-mails and texts on Instagram that he had been writing to me after he got married asking to see me and telling me he loved me. And can you leave a link to your blog? There are somany ways these days to record someone. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), negative outcome feels humiliating for them, These 14 Things Make a Narcissist Really Miserable. Never argue. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle. Narcissists do this to try and make us feel alone. 12 - Pave the way for their next relationship. Then leave it to them to draw their own conclusions. Easier said than done narcissists pursue their supply sources, sometimes with love bombing (positive reinforcement) and sometimes with smear campaigns (punishment). But it is something that far too many victims often overlook. When you have hurt them, let them tap into your bank of empathy by being completely honest with them. Just knuckle under and accept the abuse? Then remain silent when the go in a rage. Your best life, in other words, is anything without them in it and thats all they need to know. They LOVE the idea that they can hurt us. I suddenly saw the futility of how stupid Id been, trying to hold on for so long to someone who was, indeed, a ghost. I have recordings of him. He knows I crave his attention, he knows I like him more than he likes me. Narcissists are selfish, self-centered, and believe themselves to be superior to others. Learn how your comment data is processed. When you explain your feelings, youre not helping the narcissist to see your point of view theyre not capable of that. Im not saying that everyone will get to where they can laugh, but I did. The main reason this happens is that narcissists don't bond with people. Prepare for them to promise "to change." They might suddenly start doing things for you that you'd been complaining about. But you know the truth. 2. The Narcissists Love Destruction: How To Hurt a Narcissist. Because narcissists are eternal victims, they will view you as the attacker if you do many of these things, instead of viewing them as reactions to something they did. How is it possible that we gave them everything and they can walk away as if it doesnt matter? These tactics are sure to get them riled up but beware of the consequences that will ensue. BUT you can get them back. Since they hate being criticized and are going to get offended no matter what you do anyway, you might as well give them something to be offended about. Only it was with the other woman. I think sometimes we think that if we get revenge, that will help us to move on, but I think that trying to get revenge can do just the opposite. Defiance. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and she was manipulating and of course new how to hurt me the most which was our children. Narcissists dont usually accept responsibility for their behavior or view their behavior as problematic. You used the pain they gave you as fuel to create your greatest victories. They were not the partner you fell in love with and now it seems that this narcissist is actively trying to destroy you. Or they will think youre so hung up on him or her that you had to run out and find someone else immediately to get over them. Then I went silent. Keep cool. We are okay, good, but still working on our relationship. And by the way, it didnt work. etc.. 6. The stress and anxiety was overwhelming. I will check out your others as well. Don't allow that, ever. But you can beat them. Getting revenge isn't going to work, you have to understand narcissism deeply. I am stuch in a relationship with a narcissist for almost two years now. And many people may be hurt. They may say "you'll be lost without me," or "you'll never find someone like me." If you're thinking about using the silent treatment, it's best to walk away from the narcissist and the relationship. Threatening me, throwing her belongings and hitting her. What about when children are involved? To a Narc, theyre more sensitive to the other person being happy Without them. Many of us cannot see the answer because we have been so hurt by what the narcissist did to us, which is understandable. Nothing does. Furthermore, they take many things you do as criticism anyway and might not notice that anything has changed. Exploitation. The only possible outcome is narcissistic rage. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. 3. Laughter is the best medicine. If youd like to read a free preview, which includes the first chapter and the pathological love relationship checklist, click on this link. However, in general, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to ignore them. So easy to get solid proof. Its about empowering myself. We are left wondering: is there any way to make them feel the consequences of their actions? Because that looks like the only way to end this suffering. All of this is part of the revenge mission. To a narcissist, however, this is highly upsetting. But we must always remember that old aphorism says: those who seek revenge better dig TWO GRAVES.. Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. You'll notice the narcissist in your life getting more and more angry as you keep ignoring them. Thus the easiest way to enrage a narcissist is to take away their narcissistic supply. So what is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist? She ended up getting fired and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit blaming me as the cause.She filed a cause of action against me with the California State Board of Equalization and with the EDD.I ended up with renal failure and have under gone 3 surgeries to correct the problem from the stress.Law suit was finally settled not because she was right but because our legal fees were mounting.God help anyone who has to deal with a narc in the workplace. He has a god complex where he thinks he is better than everyone else but he had managed to change his driving licence and other sources of ID to say that he is a doctor. (Make sure you take pictures of the articles just in case she throws it away). But it is something that far too many victims often times overlook. Everyone laughs and teases others sometimes. When everyone around you is trying to convince you that YOU are the bad person, sometimes an objective view of you from someone you dont know maybe what saves you from drowning in the sea of insanity the narc and their legion of fools try and drown you in. 5) Don't let them isolate you. Im one of those youve exploited and cheated on, and your fear will take you out of nowhere.. Just on that silly quiet street you walk on every evening. If they do, they can use what youve done to play the victim to others, and because it was premeditated and intentional, now it is arguably justifiable. Yes, ignoring a narcissist can hurt him so much, that is beyond your expectations. Getting revenge doesnt really help you get over it. They gain narcissistic supply from you, even if its negative. Shame is unpleasant for everyone, but for the narcissist, it's absolutely horrifying. I have no contact with any as it hurts to have seen what my daughter has done to her children. The best revenge is to beHAPPY. For the sake of argument, lets say you want to get a little payback after enduring frequent episodes of narcissistic abuse. So yea, HIPAA is real. The narcissist can use psychological techniques to make you doubt your own rationality. And yes, I think I will make an article about this. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because theyve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want. Everyone around them thinks theyre a saint, or just misunderstood. One of the weird things narcissists do involves destroying your happiness and relaxing moments. The thought of it feels amazing, right? How do you throw someone under the bus with love? Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. Run, girl! Why play nice? They will never change. By laiughing, at the absurdity of the narcisiist, you save yourself from falling into nihilism and depression. You are not alone. Required fields are marked *. I'm going to get straight to the point: it's all about calling them on their bullshi. 12. Theres some sort of indignity in everything youre going through right now. When speaking to a narcissist, try to see their point of view and how they might be feeling hurt (no matter how warped it is). Things Narcissists Say That Give Them Away. Just to get a kind of even in my mind. This is obviously not just a whimsical thought. Narcissists need constant attention and validation to feel good about themselves, and if you ignore them, it will be a deep blow to their ego. Through examining these methods of revenge, the following statements seem clear: 1. These methods of vengeance may not look like vengeance at all. Walk away and never look back at these toxic people.

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